A Letter To The Unmarried Married Man
Dear Younger Brother,
I trust you are doing well today. It has become needful for me to talk to you about this matter again. Ultimately, I want you, not your mother or ego, to be happy in your marriage. There are no assurances; I have seen marriages that had it all figured out running aground. But I believe that when we make the right choices based on the right motives, we grossly reduce the chances of an unhappy marriage. So by this I want to help you realign what you look out for in choosing a woman.
As you already know, I can be ‘UnAfrican’ with some of these views, and it may hit on multiple nerves that will be hard for you to handle. But I hope you will look past your prejudices and cultural stereotypes and listen to reason. By way of introduction, let me sit this here; a woman’s body alone does not make a good marriage. Humility alone does not make a happy home. Breast, buttocks, good sex, cleaning and cooking do not make a good home. What makes a good home is security.
Every home where there is security is a home with joy, peace and hope. Security is not always financial, but it is a critical component. Give a woman security and you will have her for life. I have seen men with nothing securing their wives in many ways to a point where no amount of monetary enticement could make these women look elsewhere. And I have seen men with so much wealth losing their wives to men with no address on Ghana Post GPS, because they couldn’t give these women the security they needed beyond money. When it comes to the 21st Century ‘Woke’ woman, money is not everything; she makes her own, remember?
So in choosing a life partner, choose a woman with whom you can have in your home, for both of you Intellectual, Financial, Emotional, Psychological and Social security.
Intellectual security comes from knowing that you and the woman in your life can put your thoughts together to build a legacy that will live longer than both of you. It comes from knowing intrinsically your wife’s position on things, making it easier to make the right choices on her behalf. The woman in your life should also have the confidence that she knows your position on things so she can make choices on your behalf without recourse to you as to how to dot the ‘I’ and cross the T. Big breasts and cooking, all good, until you realize that in the prime of your life, you cannot trust your wife’s judgment. That is no security.
I dare add that one of the loneliest moments in a man’s life is being married to a woman you cannot think with, not because she has strong views, but because she has no views at all. Yes, you can quote me. Unless you are not going anywhere in life, then anyone is absolutely ok in your boat. But if you are going to be great and go places, then you need an independent brain that gives you another world view so you can wisely make choices after careful consideration. I mean, what is the point in marrying and thinking with someone else who is not your wife? Then why all that pomp and pageantry? For sex and cooking? Please, people get that for far less…